Listen to cap and pls run you deserve better. There is absolutely no reason to think that he will be or even is being now, sorry any more courageous or honest with you in a meaningful way. I hope you are able to leave until he is able to enter an honest relationship with you. But do you get to lean over when you want to? Rarely are there circumstances so dire that this is a reasonable ask. Does he care about your feelings or your safety? It took lawyers to get her to move out. I really hope you get clear of him and find the relationship you deserve. By far the most common thing that happens when people get divorced is that they move to separate houses and figure out a plan for custody and access to the children.
He has ongoing problems with his ex-partner trying to prevent him from seeing his daughter. This covers all the bases. If someone says they want to keep it secret at the beginning, make sure you agree how long the beginning will be, are we talking weeks or months, and why do they want to keep it secret? He needs her to mother him. That, she told me, was for a married couple who came once a week to consummate their love. They may also want to shield you from any criticism you may receive from those around them. It doesn't sound like that's what is going on here.
Is he making the kids his top priority? If you are keeping your relationship secret, it shows that you are capable of hiding something from the people closest to you and therefore you may be capable of hiding other things from your partner. She knows about our relationship. There are over 7 billion people in the world. You are worthy of love and care and belonging. What have you got to lose? And you will still have you if you leave this actually, kind of awful person. I saw this exact scenario play out with former close friends of mine.
I have a friend who was divorced and still living with the father of her children so they could co-parent. A lot of people have depression. Like when do you have time together? Love yourself enough to know this and to leave now. Secret online dating may seem harmless since the friends think that they can take precautions to ensure a safe meeting, but at least 10% of the 20 million accounts are bogus. By the end I was more than a little bleary-eyed and my ass hurt and I was done with the first painful crying. Like, that sounds totally fine to me! But let him also own that choice and not make you do the work of breaking up with him! There are others out there with whom you could have an incredible relationship. You do not deserve this.
Without her permission, you may just be meddling and getting yourself involved in the mess. The next time you speak with him, try to view him in his married with children lens and maybe things will be clearer. I was sure I was over it but after some time I agreed to meet for a coffee and hand-on-heart felt no emotion apart from nerves after not seeing him for 1. Still, you asked so he could state it clearly because you don't want to take it for granted. And this is what lawyers and family courts are for. Maybe his parents have deliberately sabotaged every relationship he's ever had because they're crazy assholes. Keeping it a secret can keep some of the stress off of them, but it could also negatively affect your relationship.
He told his ex about me as soon as we started seeing each other. They have been living together, divorced, with him taking care of her and the children for several years. Manipulators manipulate, but to do so they need contact with their victims. And I can say from first hand experience and pull up some hard stats that show living in a cold house hold with one or more persons suffering from untreated depression definitely takes a huge toll on children. His children do not deserve this.
You need to find out what, and if you have any doubt about his story you need to push until you get the truth, and if you don't, leave him. I respected him and he respected me, we remain friends. Who is now away in college. His situation sucks, but do you know who has the power to get out of it? She would also sleep in his bed. Or otherwise known as the villain+victim? Besides, love expressions saved for secret meetings can get out of hand. You can take pleasure in the desire you felt, in your ability to feel it and to feel those feelings of love. Be calm and understanding when you ask him for a reason, and if he gets defensive first.
Also, going on what you have described, your boyfriend is clearly not big on taking responsibility for his decisions. They were afraid to tell this mother about their marriage! Does this even really matter? Because sometimes a proper divorce and separate lives, it turns out, is a gift to everyone. There is no way this house of lies is gonna hold up for ten years. He is not one of them. He is still pretty much in a relationship with her. And how do I know? Sometimes everyone will be friendly and at other times they may feel uncomfortable. Breaking up is really painful but you will recover.
This young guy may indeed be simply inexperienced and immature when it comes to establishing a proper relationship with you, and may actually be harmless, but from what you describe there is a strong indication that he is not — so why take the chance to find out? At the courthouse, not some bullshit he copied and pasted off the Internet. Everything hurts and I oscillate wildly between insecure, furious, and relentlessly self-critical. At first, it was exciting but it rapidly made me feel like garbage. He hasn't told anyone in his life about us. I was confused and upset for a while, and got over it. What he proposes to do will hurt his children.